Marie Connelly is not a Guru.

Scott’s tweet earlier today clearly resonated with a lot of people, and it’s a particularly important point for community managers to internalize.

I think community mangers often feel the need to be everything to everyone.  It’s easy to see why that happens when our primary goal is often keeping the members of our own communities happy and engaged, while simultaneously working to attract new members.

Any community manager worth their salt is going to be passionate about the community, organization or cause they represent, but sometimes that enthusiasm can also create a communication fallacy – that if we’re doing our jobs well and explaining things clearly enough, everyone will understand what we’re trying to do and be similarly enthusiastic.

Truth is, haters gonna hate.

While it can be particularly rewarding to win someone over after they’ve expressed displeasure, or even been publicly antagonistic towards the community – chasing that high is rarely worth it.  Of course, costumer service is an integral part of community management and I do believe it’s extremely important to let people know that you’ve heard their concern and you’re doing what you can to right any wrongs, but focusing too much on the negative voices in a community can have serious downsides – and not just for the community manager who’s still thickening his skin.

We’ve all probably seen someone pitch a fit in a store, or overheard an angry customer service call, so I can’t imagine I’m the only one who’s a little bit disappointed when the manager caves to an overly aggressive customer just to diffuse the situation.

“Hey, I’m here, playing by the rules, accepting that I can’t return this opened merchandise without a receipt just because I don’t want it anymore. Where’s my refund?” That’s what the voice in my head often says in those moments, anyway, but I’d hardly be “playing by the rules” if I vocalized it.

The same risk is present in online communities – kowtowing to trolls or bending over backwards to win over the most obstinate can make your truly enthusiastic members feel less valued.  Whether or not it’s actually a zero-sum game, your community know that you’ve got a finite amount of time, and sooner or later they’ll start wondering why you’re not spending more of it on them.

I’ll leave you with a story about one of the wisest things I think I’ve ever said:

I was 7.

A girl in my class was having a birthday party and as the event approached, it became apparent that some friends of mine had been invited, but I had not.

My mom asked me how I felt about it, maybe a little miffed herself.  I just shrugged and told her, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world:

You can’t be invited to all the birthday parties